|
|
Home |
Pre-season preamble:With the fixture list looking deceptively solid well in advance of the opening fixture, the prospects for the season were highly promising, as long as we could manage to shake off our various football-related traumas. It was even felt in some quarters that a little more attention to nutritional matters might make us slightly more competitive against Isis. Post-Oxford pedantry:As things turned out, the footballing traumas were pretty much confined to this correspondent, and could have been avoided had the Palace defence learned to play for 95 minutes rather than getting demob-happy after about 80. Aside from the continuing agony of Leeds, Newcastle and Spurs the Collective was able to turn its attention to the cricket season with few other sporting distractions. A comprehensive and nearly non-libellous report on the Oxford tour, from our man on the Rive Gauche with the beret and the battered copy of Being and Nothingness, can be found here, but this a summary of the main points.
Woe in Worcestershire:The July visit to the Malverns found the Collective enjoying hours of unbroken sunshine. The teas were very acceptable too. Well, that's the good bit over - let's get on with the rest. There will most likely be a proper report along any day. Until then, this is roughly what happened. Thanks to the technological wizardry of the mobile phone, the team (to be pedantically exact, most of the team) found their way to the excellent Brewers Arms in West Malvern by about 12.30 on Saturday for a highly satisfactory lunch before moving on to the ground at Mathon Court. As usual, the Fossils had come up with a top-class venue for the match, featuring an attractive pavilion, a secluded and well-maintained cricket field, and a firm track with a slightly green tinge. Sadly all of this was lost on Jon Harry, who failed to complete the journey from Essex in the 30 minutes he had allowed for it, and finally rolled up at 4.30 - just in time for a cameo appearance at first slip before tea. Batting first, Fossils found the the flat pitch and RedBat's rather motley bowling attack much to their liking. Skipper Jones's democratic instincts were on display as nine bowlers tried their luck and a bewildering variety of full tosses and long-hops were gleefully carted to all corners of the ground. Brown Ale moments abounded, but perhaps the most notable was a delivery from Robin which passed the batsman at a height of about eight feet and was swiped to fine leg for a single with a bizarre backwards overhead smash. Two hallucinatory overs from ringer A (Jim Gaffney) produced a wicket to go with 30 runs, though ringer B (Phil Price) upheld the honour of Bishops Castle Casualties with four very decent overs for 14. The blameless PoC (8-4-11-1) and Giles (5-0-17-0) could only look on in despair as the Fossils declared at 202-2. If ever there was a day to chase 200+ and win, this was it. And led in some style by Matt (72) , we were well in the hunt until a mean spell of slow stuff from Gerald Wadley (3 for 7 from 6) and a twitchy-fingered umpire gave Fossils the upper hand. Some violent hitting from Robin (30* from 15 balls) and Dave (14 from 7 balls) brought victory within sight again, with Gerald's last two overs costing 23; sadly the clock brought the innings to an end at 189-8, with PoC and Robin poised at the crease to launch the final assault. 390 runs in the day can't be bad though. Upton-on-Severn is a perfectly pleasant market town with a very picturesque river, and some nice (if pedantic) pubs. The blot on the landscape is however The Hole (name changed to protect the guilty), which is without doubt one of the worst hotels which the Collective have encountered in twenty years of cheap and nasty accommodation. Following prolonged negotiation they were reluctantly persuaded to keep the residents' bar open until 12, at which point we were ordered to head off to bed. And not in a good way. Things were no more welcoming at the breakfast table, with the kitchen unable to cope with the idea of poaching an egg, and having not a smear of marmalade on the premises. And I think it would be best to draw a veil, if not a shroud, over the sausages. Those who tried out the shower were also disappointed, and not all that wet. It was therefore a disgruntled Collective which rolled up at The Swan in Newland on Sunday. After some reviving, and excellent, food and drink, an advance party went on to the ground to discover that the match was relocated to the main Barnards Green ground - the scene of last year's thumping. Captain du jour Kennedy was under strict instructions to win the toss and bat. This accomplished, Matt and Phil took first use of the hard-but-green pitch, with the looming bulk of the Collective's batting resources massed behind them. Sadly Barnards Green had drafted in some needlessly zealous opening bowlers who saw the back of both openers with the score barely in double figures. Straight bowling, good catching, and a bit of uneven bounce chipped steadily away at the batting order while the rather nice electronic scoreboard registered too few runs for comfort. Jon looked good before spooning a catch to extra cover for 23. The pick of the batting came though from Chris, who put together a comfortable 21 after a sticky start, and Robin again, who traumatised the occasional bowlers for an unbeaten 33 from 14 balls, and dragged us to the unimposing total of 113 all out. Last year, some penetrating bowling from BAL had Barnards Green wobbling as they chased 136 to win; naturally then, the skipper was looking for early wickets again this year. To cut a short story shorter, Andy took an over or two to get his line right before bowling a good spell, featuring plenty of playing and missing and a few thick edges flying over the slip cordon. Unfortunately nothing went to hand, and the batsmen were good enough to take advantage. PoC and I were economical at the other end without looking like triggering a collapse. Giles replaced BAL and bowled inexplicably, bringing the match to an early conclusion with Barnards Green winners by 8 wickets, the Collective still two victories short of the century, and PoC absolutely knackered because the ball persistently followed him around the field for the entire innings. All in all, we have cleverly managed to avoid peaking too early, and we should be in good shape for August. Bishop's Castle 3. Sorry, 4.From the t-shirt onwards, this was a tour where nothing was quite what it seemed, but everyone managed to have a good time regardless. Congratulations to Phil J (of whom much more later) for getting the tour together at all, in the face of an endless series of misfortunes, and managing to provide three games of cricket despite the presence of slightly less than two sets of opponents. The nutritional side of the tour was managed largely by the Three Tuns and (especially) the Six Bells, both of which provided the Collective with a great deal of ale but, miraculously, no hangovers, with support from Phil "Fry-up" Jones. And mention should be made of the selfless individual who got up early to supply the Bunkhouse Boys with cups of tea in bed on Saturday morning. Well done Mike. As always, this will just be a short account of the cricket, to set the scene for the proper match reports which will be along real soon now. Saturday: so, we had a ground (Clun), an amiable bunch of ringers from Leicester, but no oppo. Welcome to the inaugural RBCC North v South challenge match. With the eligibility conditions being somewhat uncertain, two rather vague teams assembled themselves, the 14 or so Southerners being skippered, for ironical reasons, by Geordie Dave, and also featuring Stuart Hunt (on vibes). Leicester being rather middling, the handful of fittish and youngish ringers were spread around at random, and were quite quickly dragged down to our level. Lloyd was allowed to captain the 11 Northerners. In a novel and entertaining match format, each innings kicked off with a short Youth Policy event before the more elderly players were handed the ball for a 25-over thrash, with the scores combined to get the overall result. The grim struggle for supremacy which ensued was dominated by the desperately slow Clun wicket. After an exhibition of more-or-less straight-batted obduracy from openers Jones and Peters, the ringers, along with a burst of champagne-worthy hitting late on from Keith, took North to 120, the score being kept in check by the regular fall of wickets. Brown Ale moment ? Stuart bowls. Phil drives the ball hard back at him with Lloyd yards away backing up. Stuart has to decide whether to catch Phil or run out Lloyd. While he mulls over this exquisite dilemma, the ball bursts through his fingers and takes the bails off anyway. Exit Lloyd muttering. The South innings rested mostly in the capable hands of Matt and Jon, both of whom retired after reaching 30, while Phil juggled his bowlers in a vain attempt to work through the South's rapidly-expanding batting lineup. Chris Lewis carried on the good work before Stuart and guest artist Chris Redfern took South home with a few overs and a couple of dozen wickets to spare. Sunday: the Collective took the well-travelled road to Corvedale CC for this match, and followed age-old tradition by vainly attempting to remember which of the several pubs along the way we were supposed to be meeting in. On arrival, the ground was found to be as attractive as ever, while the oppo, from Alveley CC, looked rather youthful and worryingly fit. Some dodgy bowling from the openers (specifically one opener; more specifically this correspondent, who came a distant second in a battle of wits with the extravagantly-swinging ball) got Alveley off to a comfortable start, and they never looked back, reaching 227-4 from their 40 overs without much concern. And let's not dwell on the fielding Look, it was bumpy down there. In our reply, only Jon looked happy in the face of some straight and brisk bowling, and we could get no further than 105 all out. Notable moments were the dismissal of Keith lbw to ringer extraordinaire Jim Gaffney (for it is he, again), and a carefully-timed drinks break which allowed all 24 players (didn't we play 11-a-side in the old days?) to enjoy a rare moment of bonding as we gathered around the radio to hear England going 2-1 up in the Test series. Monday: a late change of plan saw this match moved from BC School to the luxuriously appointed home of Bishops Castle CC, which provided an excellent wicket, a fast outfield, and a very pleasing view of the Shropshire hills. Fancying their chances against the Red machine today were the Bishop's Castle Casualties, captained by J. Gaffney. At this point, readers over the age of 60 are allowed to say "It's That Man Again". The match was again 12-a-side, and in an innovation which might interest the ICC, the rarely-seen double-umpire formation was employed during the RedBat innings, with Freddie Hewlett making the decisions while Steve dispensed gravitas and counted to six. Following the captaincy experiments of recent months, the shouting-and-being-ignored duties were entrusted to Phil Jones, who won the toss with practised efficiency and a borrowed 50p, sent in Matt and Chris to open, and fatefully placed his own name at number 3. Thus it was that, with Chris out early, Phil strode to the wicket, played himself in at a leisurely pace, and casually top-edged an intended paddle into his already-rugged features. Professional to the last, Phil carefully avoided bleeding on a good length and was helped from the ground for medical attention, while Steve added the captaincy to his existing umpiring/parenting portfolio. After consulting Bishops Castle's finest medical minds, Phil returned with the news that his injury needed stitching in Shrewsbury; the only spare car at the ground being Paul's, we were deprived of both leadership and wicket-taking capacity for the rest of the afternoon. Matt meanwhile ignored the developing off-field crisis and helped himself to a very pleasant 50 before retiring for the second time in three days. Jon smacked the bowling around for 47, Andy fell to a spectacular c&b, Lloyd ground out an unbeaten 14, and the innings closed on a very decent 175/6 from 36 overs. In reply, the Casualties found Danny and especially BAL (5-3-3-1) hard to get away, and with some steady backup bowling keeping the pressure on wickets fell steadily. At the death Dave Muir (not for the first time) proved too good for the tail and we made light of PoC's absence to come away with a 94-run victory; this was something of a personal triumph for Lloyd, who caught three and stumped one in what is almost, but not quite, a record-breaking performance behind the stumps. Not Statto's Bit:Here are some unofficial statistical highlights of the year. Who knows when the bee-bothering will ease up enough to allow for some official career figures to be produced ?
The season by numbers
2005 Fixture List
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||