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Summary of the 2004 season.After starting the season with a resounding victory at Beckley, the red machine encountered choppier waters in the rather more resilient shape of Isis, who were good enough to exploit the Collective's fragile mental and physical condition, brought on by a late night and the worst Indian meal in living memory. Full match reports will no doubt be forthcoming when Jon's secretary has had time to transcribe his video record of the weekend and insert some amusing bits. For the time being, the opposition's report will have to do. More of the same in Worcester, where Steve's sparkling 71 was the highlight of a 200+ score on Saturday, and only a grotesque succession of dropped catches allowed Fossils to get uncomfortably close to snatching the victory. Sunday against Barnards Green doubled as the inaugural BAL motivational seminar. While everyone concentrated on Petulantly Producing Peak Personal Performance Parameters, BAL himself cleaned up 5 wickets to make the game more respectable than seemed likely at half-time. Equally motivated were Giles and Jon, whose fluent opening stand of 53 was frittered away by the rest of the batting order, the maniacally motivated (oh, and it says here "impressive") skipper excepted. Back to the Future - the RBCC nostalgia-fest in sunny (with intermittent showers) Northumberland produced a rich harvest of two well-earned victories to set against a single loss - and that was against an infeasibly youthful and plainly not hungover Tynedale team with a 10am start, so it doesn't really count. Here are the bare facts; who's on Match Report duty for this one ? An overcast Saturday in Bellingham saw the Gentlemen of Great Whittington narrowly seen off by the needlessly nailbiting margin of 3 runs; the two-innings-of-20-overs format was a first for Red Bat, as was Jon Harry's debut wicket - a sharp caught-and-bowled chance to which Jon moved faster than the Collective has ever seen him move before. Danny (30) and PoC (35) were the pick of the batting on a s-l-o-w pitch, and PoC's four overs for 8 in the second innings the pivotal contribution with the ball, offsetting the efforts of the aerosol merchant at the other end (who he ? Ed) to throw the game away. To add to the enjoyment, comeback kid Phil Solomon fielded in the guise of a Roman legionary with a felt helmet and Phil Jones turned out for the opposition, hampered only slightly by the Collective's unique brand of good-natured banter, and more forcefully by a contentious lbw decision in favour of Danny. Sunday dawned, very likely. It may have been bright, and it was certainly early, but by the time the Collective had taken stock of things, we faced (a) torrential rain, and (b) no fixture, because Wylam were not expecting us until Monday - as indeed were Tynedale. Drawing on vast reserves of inner calm and a rapidly overheating mobile phone, JA sorted out the least worst solution. Wylam on Monday afternoon, and a 20-over thrash at Tynedale, also on Monday, starting at 10am. The novel concept of playing cricket at a time when decent folk are still mulling over the toast and marmalade failed to deter a full complement of 11 players from rolling up in Hexham, with PoC at the controls. The bulk of the RBCC total of 95-4 was provided by an unbroken partnership of 58 between Andy and Lloyd. Tynedale always looked in control, and knocked off the runs with three overs in hand. And on to Wylam, field of dreams (or somewhat fuzzy memories, at least). There are cricket teams more shambolic than RedBat. As we left the pub following a quick pint (Jennings - mmmm, nice) we met a small group going the other way, wearing unexpected corduroy wigs, courtesy of Fosters "lager". On seeing some of our players still in whites from the morning match, one remarked "Oh no, they look like proper cricketers". Now that's not a comment you hear every day. Wylam looked like - well, let's hear from our showbiz correspondent. "Their team consisted of 2 sober men, 2 absolutely gin sozzled loonies and 7 boys", though since one of them was an apparently un-sozzled woman I suspect that poetic licence is involved here. Our opening attack of Lee and Miller were alarmingly economical, with Andy making effective use of both his faster slower ball and his slower slower ball*. Change bowlers Kennedy, Whitelock, O'Connor, Redfern and Muir were no more generous. The Wylam batting order was being largely made up on the spot, from whoever could be extracted from the pub over the road, where they had been holed up for the past 24 hours. With PoC and Danny holding up the proud traditions of RedBat by shamelessly knocking over a succession of 13-year-olds, Wylam were pretty soon contemplating the optimal tactics to defend a total of 79. Hard, even on such a slow pitch, but a well-constructed opening stand of 50-odd between Harry and Jones made it impossible. Both were leaned on to retire by skipper/keeper Hewlett, enabling JA and Dave to have a bat before skipper/keeper Hewlett hit the winning runs. So as the shadows lengthened over the rain-sodden outfields of the north-east, further pints of Jennings (mmmm - just as nice as before) slipped down, JA was cheered to the echo for putting together a fine tour in the face of adversity, and PoC drove off clutching the Beard memorial trophy, to be handed over to BAL in six months time. All this, and we even talked to the oppo in the pub before the game, and bought them beer afterwards. There's talk of international fixtures for next year.
*) Andy will be happy to explain the technical details if you buy him a packet of Bombay mix. To be honest, he'll do almost anything if you buy him a packet of Bombay mix.
The season by numbers
For those who are not yet clinically depressed and feel they're missing out, there are unofficial averages for this season to be perused (but not ratified by Statto, so use them at your own risk). As if that's not bad enough, the latest official career averages are here as well. A few statistical highlights of the 2004 season:
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