The Cambridge tour of 1992 started pretty much as
normal rain was forecast, our form was dire, and whole of the county was rubbing
its hands in anticipation of Phil Sols bowling. Strangely, Biggsy wasnt pissed
by 8 on the Friday evening, but he had rectified that by 9 and we were set.I remember absolutely nothing about the preamble to the Saturday game, but
one way or another eleven of us were on the field of play at Parkers Piece only half an
hour or so after the appointed time. I took the first over, and bowled a diminutive opener
third or fourth ball with a long half volley. Jon Harry has since explained to me that a
half volley bowled from a height of eight feet looks like a bouncer to a short-arsed
batsman, so that he pushes his little legs back when they should be going forward. On this
basis it was just as well for the test averages of Don Bradman, Sunil Gavaskar and the
rest of the short-arse brigade that I wasnt around to launch lumbering half volleys
in their direction.
Two hours later I had three wickets and the oppo had 160 or so.
But the pitch was flat, the outfield was lightening, and there were more transient
spectators than Crystal Palace in our early years. Our batsmen addressed the target with
responsible abandon, so that by the time I was shambling to the crease we were only 12 or
14 runs short with 3 wickets left. Five minutes later we were 12 or 14 runs short with 2
wickets left, and the Beard was wandering towards me in his Formula One cap. Barry Read
was down at no 11, and I think it fair to say that even in our team this was Barrys
rightful position. Barry was temporarily famous for clean bowling someone in the last over
to win an unexpected victory, but he was principally known for being the only man to stop
attending our AGMs on health grounds.
What I remember of my innings is resolute certainty, watchful defence,
makers name, and murderous punishment of the loose ball. This contends with photographic
evidence which shows me stuck on the crease, bat permanently turned to mid wicket as the
ball thuds into my pads. There are however two shots I remember a sliced back foot
slash at catchable height through gully, and a pushed straight on-drive for four. John H
told me later that the on-drive was the most difficult shot in the book, which explains
why I have not successfully played the shot before or since. In reality it was probably a
leading edge as I tried to twat it behind square.
With these two boundaries and a few finessed singles
the scores were level. The only other time Ive been in a similar position with Red
Bat was a game against Ravensbourne Vags at Bel Air and I got Phil Sol run out by a
comfortable margin, although arguably Phils stumpy legs played their part in that
mishap. I played out an over or so hitting across the line as the Beard looked keenly for
the winning single by remaining motionless in his crease. As the sun went down the Beard
eventually carted a ball in the direction of mid-wicket. It made a very nice sound off the
bat so I him called for the run. The Beard paused only to watch the ball arrive with the
fielder before placing a steadying hand on his cap and setting off in hurry. If the
midwicket had gathered cleanly and sent in a half way competent throw, one or other of us
would have been run out by a street. Fortunately hed spent some time watching us in
the field, fumbled the ball like a novice and sent in a flabby, inept throw of imprecise
direction. The Beard careered through triumphantly, and we returned to a heroes welcome
from a gaggle of half-dressed neer-do-wells who happen to be the best team in the
land to play cricket for.
Somehow in Beards mind this turned into a personal triumph
of Herculean proportions.
Hed gone for plenty and arsed about for not many, but
hed hit the winning run and that was enough. It was his match - and it still is.
As another correspondent said, Red Bat on tour unbeatable
fun (apart from Nottingham).